Marshmallow Test and Parenting – @Desunit (Sergey Bogdanov)

Now, when my 1.9-year-old daughter tried to catch and eating an unsuccessful orange, I asked him to give it to me so that I could wash me for a while. He did it. I think about Marshmallow experiment, where the idea is that patience is equivalent to success. But … this is not the whole story.

The Marshmallow experiment is famous: a small child in a room staring at a marshmallow. If they wait 15 minutes, they get two marshmallows instead of only one. Some kids will waste Marshmallow, lick it, or just get rid of it. Some find good ways to distract themselves – sing, close their eyes, even sleep. The results – the children who wait continued to achieve higher school score and better result of life. The message is clear: If you can delay gratification, put you for life. But later studies reveal some serious holes in that conclusion.

First of all, it’s not about will. A follow-up study shows that children from strong, reliable households are more likely to wait for children from unexpected. If you were a child and the adults in your life often proclaimed promises, why would you trust them at this time? Why wait for Second Marshmallow when history tells you that it doesn’t show? Wait is not a characteristic character; It’s a strategy. And procedures are shaped by experience.

Children like small detectives, look and learn from every thing we do. My kid loves routines – the same sleep story, on the same morning / night ritual. He kept awareness of what is next. So if I told her to wait and then give me, I teach him something important: trust. But if I say “five more minutes” and don’t follow, I send a different message – that waiting is not worthy.

Back to Marshmallow’s test. Another great revelation that comes to see researchers in economic backgrounds. Children from rich families wait more than children from low income families. Not because they have more self-control, but because their environment has caused to be waiting safely. If you grow up to know there is always food on the table, waiting for an extra marshmallow not a big deal. But if your life is more uncertain, that gets what you can do if you can do the total sense. It is a safety skill, not a lack of discipline.

It reminds me of a time last week. My daughter asked me to put her away, but I was busy and promised her we would do it once I finished my job. He moved another task and waited. I finally asked, “Do you want to have fun today?” She is happy to cried, “Yes!” Can he trust me if I forgot it? Maybe not.

Children wish you secretly. So they asked the same sleep story at 300 nights in a row. Therefore they are angry when the usual change without warning. The guess is equivalent to salvation. And salvation builds confidence. If they trust us, they are ready to wait, to try, to take risks.

So, where Marshmallow’s test gets this error: It’s not just about the child’s ability to wait; It’s about adult ability to make an environment worth waiting. If we are, as parents, and teachers, not consistent, “keep a child saying,

Another thing I have noticed is how much issues are modeling. My daughter is watching everything I do. If I told him to wait and then lose my patience two seconds later because the internet is slow, what is the lesson there? Waiting for other people? The best way to teach patience is to live it – said easily than done …

Marshmallow test does not account for cultural differences. In some cultures, waiting for everyday life is cooked. Consider Japan, where children are always taught to wait quietly for food or gifts. Compare that in the US, where the quick satisfaction in one way of life. These cultural criteria formed how children approach situations like marshmallow test. It’s not just about personality; It’s about the world they live.

In 2012, researchers added a change to Marshmallow experiment. Before the test, children are divided into two groups. A group has experienced a broken promise (they were told to get crayons to get, but never). Another group experienced a saved promise (they actually get the crayons). Then came the test of marshmallow. Which group waits for longer? Children who see promises to be kept. Trust makes all the difference.

So what is takeaway here? It’s simple, indeed: as parents, we set the tone. Our actions, promises, and trustworthy attributes of how our children see the world. Do we build an environment where they feel safe to wait? Or are we taught them they need to take away what they can do, if possible?

The Marshmallow test is highlighted how to shape our actions in our children’s life. Little disobedience – like keeping promises, keeping “five more minutes,” or bedtime stories – build trust and security. These moments can help them wait for their own second Marshmallow – or decide they don’t need. Finally, it is about the environment we make for them. And who knows, perhaps one day they pass through their own version of Marshmallow’s test – not because they need, but because they know they can.